Commonly Asked Questions #5

Now that we're quickly approaching the arrival of Baby Wynne, the question we get the most (after the one about the sex of the baby and the due date) is:

"Do you have names picked out for the baby?"

Answer: Yes, we do! 

As my friend Becky pointed out, we bought the crib bedding before we were married, so of course we have discussed names! 

And we will share those names soon (I promise), but first, I wanted to share sort of a secondary name question:

"What will the last name of the baby be?"

Answer: Wynne

For some reason, this surprised me.  Some of you might wonder why this question is even asked.  Well, I technically haven't changed my name yet since we got married.  Yes, I know we got married 11 months ago.  At work, I go by Snekser (my maiden name) for academic reasons.  I always meant to take Ryan's name too, but just haven't legally done so.  Ryan honestly doesn't care whether or not I take his name.  He understands why I am hesitant to change my name. 

I always just planned to give our child Ryan's last name.  I never really thought otherwise.  Not Snekser Wynne, like me.  Just Wynne.  I think it is fine when kids have their mom's last name, but not their dad's -- though this often occurs with young mothers or single mothers and is not as common in our situation.  I just think it will be easier if Ryan and Baby Wynne have the same last name.  If my name is a little different, I think people will understand. 

I guess I just didn't expect other people to think about it!  I appreciate it though -- makes me think that people would have been understanding if we had decided on a non-traditional last name!   

I promise -- we'll share the first names soon!!!

Commonly Asked Questions #4

I've been through the most commonly asked questions (#1, #2, and #3), but there are a couple of other questions that have come up too.  This 4th one is asked by people that work with one of us or know us well enough to know about our busy jobs:

"Are you going to continue working after the baby is born?"
(Or "Is your wife going to continue working?" if it is asked of Ryan)

Answer:  YES!

Because I am an eternal optimist, I am hopeful that all will go well and I will be back at work a few weeks after Baby Wynne arrives, just 2 days a week and then back to full-time after a few months.

For the first 9 months, the plan is that Baby Wynne will be with either Ryan or me.  We've worked out our schedules and we think this is possible.  We don't live near family, so, come Fall, Baby Wynne will be in daycare (hopefully just 3 days a week).  And we hope we get into the daycare that our good friends Bridget and Jonathan have their baby in (so our kids can be friends!). 

Why am I surprised/bothered by this question?

I am a college professor and worked really hard for many years to get a PhD in biology.  I have a full-time, well-paying job that I really love. 

My husband also is a college professor that worked really hard for many years to get a PhD in biology and has a full-time, well-paying job that he really loves.  But no one has asked him if he'll be working after the baby is born.     

Commonly Asked Questions #3

The third question asked after we say "We're having a baby!" is:

"How are you feeling?  Were you really sick?"

It's a very nice question.  It's nice that people are concerned.  But it just also strikes me as funny that SO many people ask it.  I mean, I expect it from family and close friends and maybe even women in general (I have learned that every mother likes to talk about their pregnancy (which I actually enjoy)).  But everyone asks.  Women and men.  Women that were never pregnant, women that have 4 kids.  Friends, work colleagues, people I just met.  It just strikes me as odd.  It's not something I ask a lot of pregnant women (though maybe I will now?).  I always asked my close friends, but never acquaintances or work colleagues or pregnant strangers I just met.  Again, very nice, just a bit surprising to me!
Common Answer: "Pretty good!  Can't complain!"

Truthful Answer: "The first few months were sort of like a perpetual hangover, without the joy of being drunk the night before."

Why have none of my friends ever described "morning sickness" as a hangover???  Because, for me, that is exactly what it was like.  Not a really bad hangover.  But maybe a 4-beer or half-a-bottle-of-rum hangover.  I was tired, and felt sort of like vomiting, but never really did.  I wasn't really hungry, but I knew that if I ate food, I would feel better.  And the food I wanted was usually french fries or pizza.  The smell of certain foods and trash (and preserved animals in the lab that I work in) really bothered me.  I could still function and go to work and drive without a problem.  I was also dehydrated no matter how much water I drank and I peed a lot.

You know, a hangover.

If someone described those symptoms to me, I would assume that the had a nice drinking binge the night before.  Though now I will wonder if they are just in the early stages of pregnancy. 

Maybe I have just experienced more hangovers than my friends that have recently had babies?  I mean, I did go to grad school for 7 years, and got in plenty of drinking in Buffalo/Canada before that time.  Perhaps this is why my mind immediately jumps to hangover.

Luckily, I made it past the "hangover stage" (which will forever be my new name for "first trimester") with only a few really bad days.  Now, I feel less hungover, though still tired.  I fear the tiredness has more to do with the amount of work and travel I do and the seriously minimal amounts of caffeine I drink.  Certain smells still bother me (eww -- bananas!!!) and some food just really grosses me out. 

But I am feeling pretty good!  Can't complain!  

Commonly Asked Questions #2

The second question we get asked most often after saying "We're having a baby!" is:

"Do you know the sex of the baby?"

Answer:  Nope.  We're not finding out! 

Even before I met Ryan, I always wanted to be surprised when my baby was born.  The whole "It's a girl!" or "It's a boy!" just seems like another exciting thing to find out after a long and tiresome delivery.  And, luckily, Ryan agreed with me!  When are you ever surprised about anything in life anymore?

Besides, everyone knows how much we love green!!  I love all things green.  Ryan loves green.  We hope to have another kid that may be of the other sex -- so all of our baby stuff was going to be green anyway!  The nursery/guest room was painted a bright green long before we knew about Baby Wynne!  And the nursery was definitely going to be decorated in ocean animals (which is pretty gender-neutral).  So ... it doesn't matter what sex the baby is. 

Interesting Responses:

The idea of finding out the baby's sex seems to be pretty polarizing.  People either love it or hate it.

Love it: We have heard a lot of "good for you" and "oh, that is so fun!" or "I wanted to do that but my wife/husband couldn't wait to find out".  I think most people are on board with it (especially if they already know my love of all things green).  It's just one more thing to look forward to. 
It also seems that people love this because they get to guess!  Everyone wants to guess the sex!  They look at my belly, ask me questions about heartburn and urination and the baby's heart rate, and stare for a while.  More than one person has already told me they want to wait until I am further along to really get a look at my big belly.  (Surely more blog posts on this later!)

Hate it:  There seem to be 2 different "hate it" camps. 
The first are people who found out themselves and think we would be happier if we found out too.  I try to assure them it's OK and we can have a baby without knowing its sex (as many billions of people have over the history of human life).
The other people just really, really want to know and it is killing them that we have the opportunity to find out and haven't.  The main leader of this camp for us is Ryan's sister Lori.  Even before we were pregnant, it came up in conversation that we don't want to know the sex until birth.  This was probably after some lots of wine and during Lori's adoption processes.  When you adopt from China (as Lori did), you get to see a photo of the kid and learn a bit about them.  Lori may have even threatened to call my doctor's office and ask so that she could know (but she promised she wouldn't tell us!).  I think Lori (and some other friends too) really just want to know more about the baby (like the sex and the name) so they feel like they know Baby Wynne even before he/she arrives.  For some friends and family, this is also related to the intense desire to buy pink and blue clothes and toys.  Don't worry all -- you can buy pink and blue things come January!  :)



Overall, I think Baby Wynne agrees with us on waiting to find out the sex.  As I said before, during the 20 week appointment (which is the magical time in which a penis or vulva are searched for via ultrasound), Baby Wynne kept his/her legs firmly crossed (so even Daddy couldn't get the little peak he wanted!)! 

Commonly Asked Questions #1

We have recently been spreading the news about Baby Wynne to our friends and families and people at work (and random people at Babies R Us).  When we share the news, there are a few questions that are immediately asked.  I thought I would share them in a series of posts entitled "Commonly Asked Questions".

The first question asked after we say "We're having a baby!" is:

"When are you due?"

Seems like a logical and simple question. 

Answer: "January 11, 2012"

Some interesting responses:

"Oh a honeymoon baby!" or "Were you pregnant at your wedding?"

(Nope ... we were married on New Year's Eve 2010.  So unless I have the gestational period of a Blue Whale, we likely conceived AFTER the wedding... like 3.5 months after the wedding.)

"If it's born early, it'll be a tax deduction for 2011!"
(True.  Though I try not to think of my newborn as a tax deduction.)

"I hope it's not snowing when you go into labor"
(Thank you for feeding into my fear of a blizzard.  Of course, I will not be surprised when we get a giant storm ... as Baby Wynne has already survived so many natural disasters!)




Stay tuned for more Commonly Asked Questions ...